


Never Gone

by BSBLover2538



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Angst and Feels, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Fire, Loneliness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24590404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BSBLover2538/pseuds/BSBLover2538
Summary: It's been a year, and Nick is still struggling. He doesn't think he can move on and cope with the heaviness in his heart. A conversation helps him begin to realize that his best friend will never be truly gone.
Relationships: Nick Carter/Brian Littrell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Never Gone

Nick looked at the building in front of him. The windows were blown out, and it was deserted, like no one had taken care of it. He stepped through the open doorway, and looked around. The building only had it’s support beams still standing. Nick sighed and leaned against one, looking out behind him at the view out of the open window. 

“You came” Nick heard, but didn’t move, still staring out the open window, his eyes unfocused. 

“Of course, I had to see you” Nick replied, knowing the voice. 

Brian looked sadly at his best friend. Nick was dressed up, a plaid shirt, a black jacket, a black tie hung loosely and some camo pants completed his outfit. But Brian could see that he wasn’t smiling. 

“What’s been going on?” Brian asked, it had been a while since they had seen each other. 

“Just trying to figure everything out. It’s been a crazy year, I miss you. I want you back, to see you again” Nick whispered, pain in every word. 

Brian put his hands in his pockets as he looked at Nick. “I’m here Nick, always have been. How are the others doing?” 

“Howie and AJ keep watching over me, trying to help me cope with this. I don’t know how I keep getting up everyday. It feels like you are there, but when I look, it’s all empty space” Nick dug his foot into the wood, his eyes still unfocused, looking out, not seeing anything in particular. 

“What about Kevin?” Brian asked, pain entering his tone, noticing that Nick hadn’t mentioned his cousin. Nick sighed, and wiped his cheeks, feeling the tears splashing down. 

“He….he left. He couldn’t cope with everything. I haven’t heard from him since after the funeral. Howie and AJ can’t even get a hold of him. I tried Brian, but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry” Nick wiped the tears again as he thought of Kevin. 

Brian sighed frustratedly, but knew that Kevin was his own person, and Nick, Howie, and AJ couldn’t try to keep him where he didn’t want to be. “Nick, stop blaming yourself. Kevin still might come around” 

Nick shook his head, still not looking at Brian. “No he won’t. He couldn’t handle me either. I haven’t been doing the best. The grief and pain are so present and there, I feel like I’m suffocating” his voice broke at the last word. 

“Nick, I’m always there, I got you. Please, try and ease the grief. I hate seeing you so broken and like you are clinging to the past. I am okay, Nick, please believe that” Brian pleaded softly, looking at the hunched over form of his best friend, his baby brother. 

The younger blonde acted like Brian’s words didn’t even register. He felt like he couldn’t move. If he acknowledged the grief, acknowledged that Brian was gone, the reality would break him even further. Nick didn’t know how to even go about trying to make himself believe that Brian wouldn’t be coming back. 

“You...you promised you would always be there for me. You swore we’d grow old together, our families as close as we were. What am I supposed to do now? You lied to me, broke your promises Brian” Nick’s voice wobbled as it got stronger, ending with him screaming at Brian. 

The older blonde looked at Nick, pain in his eyes and posture. He knew he couldn’t change anything, and wished he could. The thought of Nick holding onto all of this pain and grief, even a year later was crippling to Brian. 

“I...I’m sorry Nick…” Brian whispered out, not knowing what else to say. 

Shaking his head, Nick whimpered. He couldn’t handle this, he wanted Brian, needed him back, and in his arms. Reaching for his hair, he started clawing at himself, not wanting to break. 

“Nick!” a voice spoke, and the blonde looked up, his hands running down his face. Howie looked anguished at him, AJ next to him, both staring at the younger man. 

“What?” Nick asked. 

“Who were you talking to?” AJ asked, as he and Howie looked at each other, concern on their faces. 

“Brian, who else guys?” Nick pointed over his shoulder to where Brian had been talking to him from. . 

“Nick, Brian isn’t there” Howie cautiously stated. 

Howie, Nick, and AJ were the only ones in the building. Nick shook his head, and finally turned around, seeing just Howie and AJ staring back at him. His eyes flew around the building, trying to find Brian. 

AJ and Howie had woken up to find Nick not in the house the three of them shared. They had driven all over the town trying to figure out where Nick could be. After going to Brian’s gravesite, AJ thought of the building where the fire had been. The two had come up just before Nick started screaming at what he thought was Brian. 

“But...but” Nick desperately spoke. Howie and AJ made their way over to Nick, taking him in their arms. The blonde sunk down onto the floor, shaking his head. 

“Brian’s here, I heard his voice!” Nick wailed, trying to get Howie and AJ to understand. They both shook their heads sadly at each other. Nick had sunk so far in his depression, that they didn’t know how to help him anymore. 

“Nick, Brian died a year ago today, in this building. A fire ravaged, and he died. He isn’t here. He isn’t coming back” AJ tried to get through to Nick. 

“No, no, no. You’re wrong” Nick stubbornly shook his head. Howie took a deep breath and steeled himself to try and get through. 

“Nick, look at me” he sternly spoke, knowing Nick would respond to his tone. The blonde looked at him, desperation and wildness in his eyes, along with a deep, deep grief and hurt swimming as well. 

“Brian wouldn’t want you doing this. He would want you to keep living, experience the things he can’t. Have a family, and tell them about their uncle who will protect them always. Make memories, so that when you see Brian again, you can tell him all about them. Please Nick, please” Howie pleaded. 

Nick finally looked up at Howie. “He’s….he’s gone” 

Howie nodded, and pulled Nick into his arms, as the blonde finally broke, his head and his heart colliding. Sobs racked Nick’s body as AJ and Howie held him close, letting him grieve and mourn. They sat there for nearly half an hour before Nick went completely quiet. He pulled himself away and looked at the two with red rimmed eyes. 

“Home, I want to go home” he hiccupped, and the two older men nodded. The three stood up and Howie and AJ started walking towards the cars. Nick lingered, and looked around the building one more time. 

“Love you Nicky” he heard as he started walking out. He stopped and looked back, but there was nothing there. Shaking his head, he got in his car, and drove home, following Howie and AJ. He had gotten what he had been looking for, needing to hear Brian’s voice. 

The last year had been hell, and Nick still wasn’t sure where he would go from here. But, he knew now that Brian was physically gone, but as long as he held onto the memories they had, he would never truly disappear. He would make new ones, and knew Brian would watch over him, no matter where he went. 


End file.
